Tomorrow my Aunt is farewelled. Cancer took her before the Alzheimer’s made life excruciating for all those close.
I’m not attending her funeral in Palmerston North. I couldn’t afford to.
My family is gathering and I’m not a part of it.
Yes, I could have found a way to get there. Fares were offered.
But I feel detached from Family at the moment.
They collectively weren’t there for me when I admitted vulnerability. They haven’t asked me how I’m doing. In six months.
They originally offered thoughts, prayers and encouraging bible verses. Six months ago. Bible verses. THAT is helpful. Dicks.
I’m a bit cynical.
My Aunt died on Sunday. No one told me. I found out by being observant on Facebook.
I feel isolated. And I feel the need to have to look after my own interests because really you can’t rely on anyone, can you?
A dark post for me, yes. But it’s how I feel. I’m just a bit fucked off with everything right now.