Thoughts: 2015

So, 2015 is done and dusted. I am not in a particularly celebratory or satisfied mood. I’m feeling more… contemplative.

It wasn’t quite what I expected or wanted. It followed a 2014 that presented a few challenges and I really was nervous about what was going to happen.

But I have survived. And I think I’m going to be starting 2016 in better shape than I was twelve months ago.

I am cautiously optimistic and focusing on the postitive. Well, at least I’m trying to.

2015 did see me improve on a Professional level. An improved work ethic, born out of necessity. I’ve strengthened some business relationships but I’ve also had to cut some ties. It’s frustrating to me that there are still unresolved issues that should have been sorted by now. 

I’ve learned patience. I’ve learned to not worry too much about things outside of my immediate control. I have embraced the philosophy that “It’ll work out. Eventually”.

On the Personal, I’m not so sure about how the year was. 

I’m not sure I spend enough time with my kids, and I’m very aware that as they get older, their availability and desire to spend time with me will change. I need to make the most of the time I have. It is helpful that they’ve embraced technology so there are always amusing texts and Facetime conversations. 

Despite not being able to network and mingle as much as I need to, I have met some interesting new people this year. I really do get energy from the exchange of ideas and interaction with others. I probably need to prioritise more of this in 2016.

I’ve lost friends this year. Not through their passing but through their words and deeds. People who decided it was ok to bully and abuse. I mention this as it was a huge disappointment to me at the time and it still lingers. I do hope they find their way ok.

Happily, I have also gained friends this year. I’m grateful to how these people have added to my journey in a very short time and I’m looking forward to spending more time with them.

I’ve seen friends go through some challenges in the year and get through with success and dignity intact. I’ve friends still getting there. They will.

I’m a believer in the idea that people come into your life for a reason. And sometimes, it’s just for a season. It’s something I’m conscious of when I meet new people. I’m extremely grateful to those who have supported me and stuck by me this year. 

I have noticed that 2015 did impact my joy. My emotional energy levels were depleted and I was concerned that I had started to lose my natural state of caring for others. 

In 2016 I’ll be more careful about keeping that particular tank full. It’s critically important as without it, I’m not entirely pleasant – more indifferent I suppose – and that is not who I am.

I have discovered the value of solitude. Being able to and being comfortable spending time in my own company. To read. To write. To listen to, and play music. To play games. To cook and create. If I don’t do these things, I stumble.

(As an aside, I’m determined to learn to craft my own sausages this year. I know. Weird but rewarding).

What will 2016 bring? Who knows? All I can do is accept that there are things I can’t change and expect and anticipate the best of everything else.

I hope you all have a great year ahead.

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