Tag Archives: work

12.27.24
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Thoughts: 2024 Was a Surreal Year

After a few years trying, I got a decent photo with Santa!

It’s the post-Xmas come down and I’m totally here for it. I’m taking time for myself and focusing on resting and recharging.

2024 has been a surreal year. Surreal really is the best word for it.

I didn’t really know what to expect when it started, except for one solid idea: 2024’s theme was going to be a Springtime for me. This idea was birthed in reflection of what had been a particularly challenging 6 or 7 years – a period of time in which I learned just how resilient I am, just how much support and friendship I have.

I am immensely grateful for those people in my life who understand my weird, and enable it!

January 2024 saw me cut my traditional Christmas vacation short to focus returning to my employment of 5 1/2 years and do a handover of the work I’d been doing. Monday to Friday of that first work-week of the year being diligent. Was it appreciated? No… not really. I found out after the fact that my notes weren’t distributed or communicated to anybody for more than several weeks. Really this just drew a solid line under that role. I made the correct decision to go.

(This could be a lesson for all – there is no job so important that you need to tolerate poor leadership, especially if it harms you or your colleagues)

I started a new role – still focusing on the health of workers, but removing the mental health aspect of the work. Being removed from the vicarious trauma I had been exposed to over the previous years, proved healing. We had a small but perfectly-formed team, and we were growing a business. In mid-year, there was a significant redeployment and half my team were gone. I don’t think this change was particularly managed well or communicated well, but it was what it was. I determined to focus on what I could control and not worry about the aspects that were outside of my control. After all, I had something to look forward to… my long-overdue return to the UK to reconnect with family after 6 1/2 years. This became my ‘reason’ and certainly helped navigate a frustrating time.

The trip was just what I needed. I wanted to learn if I still enjoyed travel (yes, yes I do), to learn if I am tolerant of fellow travelers despite all their BS (yes, yes I am). I’m impressed with how far technology has come in the last years – eSIMs (I recommend Airolo – https://ref.airalo.com/76GR – use my code SIMON2978 when you sign up), and the Wise Card for international funds and localised PayWave/Payments (https://wise.com/invite/dic/simonjohnd18).

Westminster
Bonfire in the village for all the locals
Bath
Wells Cathedral
Wells Cathedral

Serendipitously, a month or so before my trip, I was asked to apply for a new role. I was successful and started on my return from England. (That was a weird week – landed back in Auckland on the Saturday morning, started at the job Monday morning, had three teeth extracted on Wednesday morning!)

Finishing up 2024, it’s been a rollercoaster 6 weeks. I’ve definitely hit the ground running with my new team (they’re all amazing people) and I’m really looking forward to seeing what we can achieve in 2025.

My theme for 2025? It’s Growth – Make a Difference.

Now to spend some time considering what this looks like, and developing a plan for execution! Sigh – business guy speak. I’m supposed to be on holiday!

Other things of interest from this year? My adult children have done well at University and are happy and healthy. My daughter has become a significantly better bassist than me – something to do with effort and a lot of practice. I wasn’t really that disciplined. My son got a few A+’s in his degree so has a good idea of what he’ll be wanting to be doing. Between now and finding his first role, he’ll be continuing down the Warhammer rabbithole. I’m not mad about this! It creates gifting opportunities.

I know that next year will see me travel more. Vietnam/Thailand/Cambodia are on my list. A return to China? Singapore? Hong Kong? Back to the UK again? So many options… Now to dream and plan.

I hope you all have a relaxing Christmas and New Year, and I hope that 2025 brings you all you wish for.

^SJD

04.15.24
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Thoughts – A 3 Month Review

Made it!

Today marks three months since I started my new role post-EAP.

And it’s been a good three months on balance.

It’s always challenging starting in a new place.

There are questions to consider:
“Which Simon do I present”?
“When do I share my deep love of Toto and Level 42”?
“Should I bring my hot sauce in to the office?

You know, the usual.

I think I’ve navigated it all ok. I’ve settled in, I know what I’m doing and I like to think I’m making a positive difference. My new colleagues are great.

It’s been interesting tracking changes as a result of my move. The most obvious aligns with health – my stress level has dropped tangibly. My blood pressure has dropped. My resting heart rate has dropped.

My GP is so pleased with me. (Yes, I do seek approval where I can!)

I also have the headspace to exercise (I’m still not a huge fan), to reconnect with people I’ve not really seen for some time. It’s been great.

On the 82

I’ve enjoyed my new public transport requirement.

This was one of my concerns about finishing up at my previous role – I had a work vehicle and car park in the city.

So, not having a car, not having to pay for parking, for fuel, insurance, maintenance … all the things … means I’m saving $.

Auckland Transport is my friend – it does seem to work for me.

Uber is my friend.

And Mevo is my friend. Actually, do check out Mevo. They’ve created something super-cool.

So, onwards and upwards. Here’s to the next three months.

^SJD^

01.22.24
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Thoughts: A 2023 Review and a 2024 Reading

I didn’t write a post about what I wanted to achieve in 2023. On reflection, I’m quite sure it would not have been anything like what 2023 turned out to be.

We had the cyclone and floods. My work, supporting businesses and their staff impacted, was draining. We had the shootings in Queen St, Auckland where I had to help many companies navigate the impact on their teams. Draining.

Stagnation.

In April it became clear to me that I was utterly stagnant. My employer provided no opportunity for growth and development. No opportunity for training – upskilling myself to be better. Oh, in 2021 opportunities for growth were available but 2022/2023 saw these disappear. It also became clear that I no longer had a manager that gave a damn about me and my success in the business, and it became clear that my place of employment had fundamentally changed. It was no longer a safe place.

The work of my colleagues and I wasn’t acknowledged or validated. Pay rise? Sure, but half inflation. And less than the average percentage increase the company was proud of and promoting internally. Sends a message of value, right?

A key part of leadership is knowing when it’s time to go. And by the end of the year, I really needed to go. Staying any longer would negatively impact my legacy and would have turned me into that toxic guy. Which really isn’t me.

What’s interesting to me is that when I was most pissed off with everything work-related, the universe sent a recruiter into my LinkedIn messages. And here I am today, in a new role.

My 2024 reading. Last year, buried in the malaise of where I was, 2024 looked bleak.

A role change? 2024 is roses. I have positive challenges. Potential for growth.

My takeaway is that one doesn’t need to accept what is current. Create your options. Then execute.

I hope your 2024 is everything you want it to be.

^SJD

01.09.24
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Thoughts: Ch-ch-changes

Phew.

This week is my last week working for an EAP provider here in New Zealand. 5 1/2 years of supporting organisations across New Zealand navigate crises and supporting the wellbeing of their teams.

It’s been tough. Exhausting. And sometimes unappreciated.

Helping organisations with their Covid response. Helping organisations with their flooding and cyclone response. Helping organisations navigate the suicide of team members. Helping organisations navigate active shooting scenarios. Setting up a support programme for another organisation on a National scale (that I can’t write about!). Helping the Ministry of Education support over 100,000 educators through and post- Covid. On reflection, I’ve done a lot.

People have asked me what I do, and the best I’ve been able to come up with is “if you read something bad in the news, there’s a 70% chance that I’m behind the scenes helping the the organisation get through it’.

It has been rewarding.

I’m an overly empathetic person, and I do tend to throw myself into this work too much, to my harm. It’s meant that for 5 1/2 years I’ve really been empty when it comes to emotional energy for others outside of work. I do feel a bit bad about that. But I have a huge appreciation for sleep. Quality bed. Blackout curtains. Tea Total sleepy dream time tea. The usual.

And Friday is my end of this chapter.

I feel… complete. I’ve achieved all I can achieve. There’s no more growth for me in this role, and I’m comfortable with this.

To my colleagues, I love you all so much. I literally could not have been as effective as I have been without you there. But you can’t stay in a job because of colleagues.

To my customers, I am so much a part of your teams. The heart you have for your people that is not noticed by most. But you can’t stay in a job because of your customers.

To my managers. That is an entirely different conversation.

People leave managers. Not roles. It has always been and it is now.

An important part of leadership is knowing when you need to leave. And it’s time. I’m comfortable with this and I’m looking forward to being impactful in a new role.

2024 eh? Springtime. New beginnings.

10.15.21
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Thoughts: Progress

It’s been an interesting week.

I’ve finished today, Friday, in much better shape than the seven(?) previous Friday’s. Not so broken. Not so drained. Actually looking forward to the weekend.

The difference? I’ve stopped caring about case numbers and our leaders desperately spinning. I’ve removed myself from these four walls and am working in my office again (safely of course). and there’s been a bit of reconnection with people.

Separating home from work has been a life-saver. I really was not in good shape. 50 days of isolation is not good. My colleagues have noticed a sea change in me. (Related: I am blessed to be working with quality counsellors and psychologists who care about me and check in).

This week I’ve been involved in interviewing for some roles on our business – there are amazing talented and beautiful humans out there and I have loved the conversations. Hearing the passion. Understanding the dreams. We are going to gain much from the people we select.

I have come to realise that the key to getting through this pandemic is purpose and hope. Humans need purpose. Humans need hope. Remove these and watch the withering.

There’s also been a bit of a spark ignited in me. I’ve deliberately put my creative side on hold for a few years. Needs must sometimes I guess. But in the last few days I’ve gotten a bit twitchy. It’s time. It’s time to create. So I’m starting to plot and imagine what this could look like.

It’s quite fun isn’t it? All this imagining and dreaming stuff. We should do more of it.

There is always something to look forward to…

04.03.21
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Thoughts: Easter 2021

Oh this is good. A timely break for four days.

My mind is conditioned to think in Quarters after years in business. And this weekend, happily, coincides with the conclusion of one Quarter and the beginning of a new one.

Reflecting. The first Quarter was about recovery. My work is challenging at the best of times, and at the beginning of last Quarter, I was broken. Utterly broken. Probably was a bit a shit with my closest and loved. I had nothing to give and really needed people around to fill my emotional tank. That filling came from unexpected places for the most part, and I’m grateful.

I’m always grateful. I’m very conscious of those who add.

Where I am today is a lifetime of progress from where I was 3 months ago. I’m more content.

Happier? Hard to say really. I’m happy within myself, but I suspect it’s time I opened my borders…

Reflecting. Work is still challenging, but the environment is completely different. I have the same ridiculously difficult conversations. Supporting people facing horrific situations. But now I have support to do so. So I’m much more effective. (Pro tip – find you people that understand and love you). I’m very grateful that my colleagues are now able to bring their full authentic selves to the game.

So, mental is sorted. What about physical? I’m managing to maintain my stepcount. But I suspect it’s time I faced my nemesis – a gym membership – again… the key? I suspect I need a challenge and people I love doing it with me.

Spiritual? An important part of human existence (arguably). An apropos given it’s Easter. I’m very spiritually aware, given my lifetime and background, but I despise hypocrisy and control. And I see too much of this in human constructs.

I value conversations. I’ve been significantly influenced by those following Hindu dharma in recent years. I’m always open to explore other faiths, understandings, philosophies. I’m not sure that I can embrace atheism, given my experiences, and agnosticism doesn’t really resonate.

Please suggest reading material for me to consider. I will read.

So finding my Ikigai… I’m actually very close. I love my work. I love my colleagues. I’m challenged every day.

I have been worried that my heart has been closed. Shut down. perhaps it’s time to open up again. Risk hurt and disappointment, but be alive. Connect with a one.

Hmmm.

So… this next Quarter. What does success look like? What does progress look like?

And for you?

01.27.21
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Thoughts: What the fuck is wrong with me?

Ok people. This one is a bit raw.

Some of you may be aware that I work in a business that provides support to people dealing with various life challenges. My role is fairly frontline – I help and guide managers and business owners dealing with some fairly tough situations within their staff.

(Side note: business managers and owners care deeply for their staff. They’re not dicks)

I’ve never finished a work year so utterly broken and empty. 2020 was a bitch. And we all need to be aware that 2021 will be challenging as there are lingering effects. Don’t be complacent. Don’t stop caring for each other.

This year started. I was prepared to resign. You know, brokenness, emptiness… not a good way to start a year. Actually, it took me ten days in the break before I was able to actually have a normal human interaction with another person. God, I have been so impacted.

However, as the company I work for was acquired in December, things are changed. My conversations with new GM, new CEO, give me optimism.

I’ve noted today that I’m feeling happy.

It’s not a feeling I’ve had for many many months.

As I write this, I’m optimistic. Honestly I’ve become a bit of a recluse… avoiding people where those catch-ups would probably have been helpful. I’m now forcing myself to go ‘out’ because I’ve realised that in the last two months I’ve only been out of my apartment past 7pm only a few times. Not ideal.

So, I guess to all you readers, feel free to challenge me. Get me out.

12.30.20
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Thoughts: And 2020 is done

It’s done.

Looking back, I have to say that I have learned much about myself this year. I’ve had to dig deep – deeper than ever before. I understand my strength, my resilience. My vulnerabilities.

It has been a year where the sources of support I’d usually expect to be able to draw from were reduced or absent. It’s been a year where I finished utterly broken.

I’d love to venture into more detail about my work but that really isn’t a great idea. I can however say that in 8 days of recovery I’ve gotten from 0% to about 50% of where I need to be.

This has been a year of some significant milestones and achievements, and whilst I do take time to pause and reflect on these, my residual energy levels aren’t yet high enough to properly enjoy these moments. These accomplishments.

This year, my Christmas celebrations were muted. A few hours with my teenagers was great, but unusually for me – no decorations. No excitement. No anticipation. Nothing really to look forward to. Plans fell through. And so I’m doing everything I can to rest up and recharge. I’m doing everything I can to clear my head and my more importantly, my dreams. I have been replaying and revisiting work conversations which isn’t helpful. I can report that with the acquisition of a new pillow, my rest last night was full. No work dreaming.

I will be ok (I’m very self-aware) but it’s taking a lot longer to recover than the few days I thought it would take. Which highlights how much care I need to take.

So, what am I doing?

Focusing on gratitude is key for me.

I’m grateful for my few close friends who kept a watchful eye on me who this year. I’m grateful for my colleagues who checked in on me – and I checked on them. The mutual support has been so so important and so very good.

I’m grateful for the new people that I’ve met this year. I’ve noticed that people in my circle have slowly exited – through isolation, busy-ness and distraction mostly – so I’ve had to breathe and start again. It really is quite tiring getting to know people enough to trust them with ‘Simon-world’… but to those I’ve let in, thank you. Thank you. My guards are coming down slowly and you have helped me immeasurably.

I’m grateful that this year I’ve developed some better habits: regular walks, smaller portions. I cancelled my gym membership (after 18 months of only using their bathrooms). Perhaps 2021 will see a re-motivation… but knowing me it’s unlikely. Gyms really aren’t my natural environment.

I’m grateful that I’ve ticked quite a few things off my various life to-do lists.

I’m grateful that my teenagers have thrived and are succeeding. It’s good to see them happy.

Continuing the family theme, watching my adoptive parents having to deal with enforced change due to age in the last few months has been draining and impactful, but seeing their grace and dignity through these challenges is also inspiring. I do need to acknowledge the effort my sister has put in to help them through. She has definitely gone above and beyond. Being able to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary a week or so ago was great.

Seeing this makes me appreciate the time I have.

So here’s to the New Year. The trick is to recognise that it’s pretty much going to be more of the same. So I’m planning accordingly. I will continue to tick things off my lists. I will re-open myself. I will continue to explore. Explore nature, explore food, explore New Zealand. I will continue to Dad.

06.23.20
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Thoughts: Level 1 and Back in the Office

Ugh. Grown-up clothes…

Goodness. I’ve just finished my 7th work day back in the office.

It’s been strange. Whilst it has been good reconnecting with my people (note: our work lives are incredibly important for our purpose and mental health), I’ve found myself still needing to create space.

So I go home for lunch. I’m lucky in that I live a 1 minute walk from the office. I’m sure it would be fine eating in the office but I just need the space.

I’ve enjoyed starting to reconnect with customers. Having meetings offsite. Driving around again. The fact is, we are really busy right now and the mental health of our ‘team of five million is frayed’. Supporting my customers to look after their teams amidst making some challenging calls is draining.

I’m very conscious of the need to protect my own health.

How have you all found things? Happy to chat if you need. Be kind to yourself and each other. Be tolerant.

^sd

02.06.19
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Thoughts: The Staggered Start to 2019

Today is February 6th, Waitangi Day here in New Zealand. It’s kind of like Australia Day or Independence Day in the US – but not.

I sit here, not working. The weather is nice though, so that’s a plus.

The last couple of weeks have been irritating. I had a decent break over Christmas and New Year. Recharged the batteries a bit. Was able to have a bit of a hard reset. Turned it off and on again.

Then, oh wow, did I have to hit the ground running. My field of work requires a lot of resilience and an ability to empathise fully whilst deflecting. It can be challenging. Some of the things people share with me are quite confronting.

But then we have today off. Waitangi Day. In the middle of the week. We had a weekend. Then two days. Then a day off. Then we have two more days of work. Then another weekend.

And last week we had the Monday off for a regional day.

I have found these micro-breaks incredibly disruptive.

Sure they’re nice to have, but really. Are they necessary?

Remind me in the months between Queens’ Birthday and Labour Weekend how great micro-breaks are. That’s when they’d be appreciated.