Category Archives: General

08.16.16
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Thoughts: The Art Of Receiving Compliments

Compliment

I’ve noticed something over the last few years. It seems to me that people are gradually losing the art of receiving compliments.

It could well be isolated within  this New Zealand society I live it, and I haven’t been immersed in other cultures to test this observation, so feel free to let me know either way.

I am one who compliments. I love acknowledging good work, success, and achievement. I love acknowledging when someone has made an effort with their personal appearance and is proud of it. I do my best to lift someone up – even if it’s just a little bit.

As a dad, I know it is incredibly important to compliment my kids. Every little achievement should be noticed and applauded. Even when their team consistently loses by 8 goals, finding the great in the gloom makes a difference.

But even my kids are losing the art of receiving compliments.

My 10 yr old daughter recently won a game of Cluedo against four others. I sent her a text later that day to say I was proud of her winning. Her reply “Yup. Why r u texting me it’s very random”.

Sigh.

I’ve noticed that when I say to someone “You’re looking great” that more often than not the response is along the lines “Yeah… nah” or “I’m fat” or “I’m getting old”. (applies equally to both genders!)

I’ve noticed that if I compliment a female that is significantly younger than me (say, between 20-25) the response is more likely to be guarded than thankful.

This makes me sad.

Are there cultural norms in play here? Are there limitations to who I can compliment or acknowledge that I’m unaware of?

Has society changed to the point where people are now suspicious of someones motives in the first instance if that someone is being nice or kind?

Or is it simply that people have adopted the idea that ‘Not caring about what others think’ to its fullness – which impacts the acceptance of positive as well as protecting from the negative.

I’ve lived a life of thinking of others. I have a personal ethos that I want people to feel better about themselves or be slightly better off having met me. It’s an ethos in which I’m always available to help others if at all possible. (Of course this has caused a few issues where I’ve been taken advantage of, but that’s not common). I want to add to people.

Is this outward-thinking way of life something that has run its course? Does it no longer have a place? Am I actually a dinosaur?

I’m hoping that once again people can learn to just say “Thank you” when complimented. Without qualification or putting a negative spin on it.

Or should I just give up?

Thoughts?

07.27.16
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Thoughts: Walking With My Son

So, I don’t often walk with my son. Mainly on account of the fact that we are both lazy arse. I was therefore surprised when we got home after school this afternoon when he said to me “let’s go for a walk”.

Whaaaatttt?

It turns out that he wanted to hunt Pokemon and gain rewards from walking. Ok. I was up for it.

5kms later…

It reminded me of the last time us two went for a walk around the block. He was 5 (some 8 years ago) and my life at that time was about to change fairly significantly.

I remember clearly as he’d really pushed to go for a walk with me. Halfway around the block he looked up at me and said “why are you doing this walk”?

I replied “to lose weight”.

He considered this for a while then said “it’s not working”. Then “perhaps you should go on The Biggest Loser”.

I laughed then, and I laugh now. And no, it’s not working. Still.

I love the mind of a child.

07.13.16
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Thoughts: Pokemon Go

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So, as a 14 year old trapped inside the body of a middle-aged man, I HAD to sign up for Pokemon Go. And yes, putting aside the obvious issues around privacy and security, it’s actually pretty fun.

I’d pre-empted spending today with my kids (10, 13) by installing and learning this thing. It’s quite sophisticated. I’m loving the augmented reality aspect of it.

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Getting out and about with them was hilarious. We found all the things. We captured all the things. We observed packs of teenagers all monitoring their phones and running around looking for Pokemon.

Such fun!

One thing I learned today is that the algorithm that creates PokéStops has selected secure sites that are home to a number of NZ’s infrastructure industries, and kids are breaking in to these sites to collect. Warnings have gone out industry-wise!

Yet another thing for me to obsess with for a while and connect with my kids over. They’re really my best things.

^sd

 

06.06.16
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Diary of a Shore Thing #4

As I enter my 48th year (sigh) I hear the words of my cardiologist (who lives in Devonport) echoing in my head: “Eat better, drink less, exercise more”. Given that we acknowledge each other somewhat awkwardly in the local New World’s wine section, the words don’t quite have the impact they should have.

 

That being said, people around me are looking at my apparent weight gain (it’s only been 20Kg over 25 years – that’s not bad is it?) and starting to offer “help”.

 

I’m not a fan of gyms. Of walking. Of running. Or in fact, exercise in general, so I’ve been scratching my head as to what I can do that isn’t boring and is beneficial. I remembered that cycling was in my past, and I didn’t recall hating it…

 

To this end, a fine upstanding Lieutenant-Commander in the family, who lives close by in the neighbourhood has loaned me his iron steed. (I’m being poetic).

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This thing is going to be my nemesis for the forseeable future.

Today I put aside the mantel worn by the Prince of Procrastination and had a crack. Now, it’s been 26-odd years since I peaked in my cycling (admittedly it was in Palmerston North where hills are pretty hard to find), and I have discovered that any grace, poise and coordination that I’d developed all those years ago, has evaporated.

 

Bikes have changed. They have sophisticated gear systems. Buttons to push that don’t seem to have a purpose. Seats that aren’t designed for bottoms.

 

But, my initial spin wasn’t bad. I didn’t fall off. I didn’t sideswipe any parked cars. I didn’t get clipped by any buses. I do need to work on the whole ‘look behind me to see what’s coming without running into a kerb’ thing. However, I’m SO unfit. It’s only got to get better from here, yes?

 

And oddly enough, I felt a bit overdressed. Maybe I do need to invest in a lycra bodysuit and go full MAMIL.

 

Fear me good people of the North Shore. My mid-life crisis awaits. (or is that my 2nd or 3rd? I’ve kind of lost count)!

04.25.16
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Diary of a Shore Thing #3

So I’ve been a resident of the North Shore of Auckland for nearly two months now. Is it growing on me? I’m not entirely sure, but there are definitely aspects of this place I like.

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Seeing Rangitoto from this side of the water is nice. Particularly when boats and ships meander through the channel. The way the sunlight bounces off the swells does my heart good.

I’m still not a fan of beaches. (Of course, this may due to my stoic inland Palmerston North upbringing). There’s nothing to do on them, and the glare of the sun makes it hard to read books on my iPad. But they do have the moments of pretty.

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From a transportation perspective, I’m getting used to it. Lake Rd still sucks immensely, but I’m working out the traffic patterns and how to avoid them. I LOVE being able to catch the ferry from Devonport into the CBD and back again. It’s the way to commute.

However I am a bit grumpy about some people. My car has been hit twice, by two buses, on two separate days whilst parked on Constellation Drive. This makes me sad. Then two days ago, it was hit again, by someone completely failing to work out how to drive in the Devonport New World carpark. My son was in the car at the time and texted me (I have told him after the fact that it would be better if he’d taken car details etc. first which he didn’t). But still. It’s just a thing. Can’t control it. Can’t change it. Moving on…

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Devonport is nice too. It has art and history and stuff. It has galleries, the Naval Museum, hills to climb and tunnels to explore. When I get a bike (I’m getting fat apparently and need to do something about it) I’ll be discovering a lot more. And yes, when I get a bike, I promise you won’t see any unsightly lycra-clad bumps and bulges on this guy. Promise.

 

 

04.24.16
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Thoughts: Quality Time With My Daughter

Yesterday I had to take Master 13 to a mates birthday. As it was on the other side of Auckland from home I was not interested in making a couple of trips.

This left me with the task of providing entertainment for Miss 10 who’d tagged along.

Now, I’ve been developing a healthy and wholesome obsession with DIY stores – I love spending time in both Bunnings and Mitre 10 – and tragically my son and other assorted people in my life (I’m looking at KT) don’t seem to properly appreciate the joyous environs provided by these companies.

But Miss 10 appears to.

We went to Bunnings. We went to Mitre 10. We looked at tools. We looked at plants. We looked at wood.

I have learned that Miss 10 is really interested in home decor and design. She loves lights, and has a particular thing for fake display kitchens. She loves them! (I should note here that she is a bit disturbed by display toilets – it’s balance I suppose).

She was a great partner in a crime for me! It was so much fun.

We also spent a few hours looking for geocaches. She took pride and pleasure in locating destinations (giving me directions and instructions) and then finding the caches, logging our finds and then deciding on the next one.

It was a special time. It was unforced and just fun. I’m loving how she’s growing and the person she is becoming. I’m a lucky guy.

03.01.16
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Dairy Of A Shore Thing #2

So, today I needed to get across to Grey Lynn from Belmont in order to meet my cleaner at 9am. I wanted to get there 30mins before her so I could remove the last of the crap from the rooms she was going to work on.

I left at 7:30am.

Just after 8:30am I reached the intersection of Esmonde Road and Barry’s Point Road. I got to Grey Lynn just after 9am. Crazy.

Lake Road and Esmonde Road in the morning are an abomination. This is just not going to be good adjusting to. Seriously, it’s the worst, most non-productive traffic experience in Auckland. And the forthcoming City Rail Link is not going to make any difference whatsoever. When I’m the benevolent Dictator of Auckland, I’m going to have the people build me a second harbour crossing. Damn straight.

Anyway, I turned up to continue my carloads and ‘moving out’, only to discover that there was a crew of blokes ashphalting the driveway and thereby preventing me from getting anywhere near my garage. I couldn’t load, and I lost a couple of strategically planned trips.

Today has been a chore. Some things went right, but I probably wasted at least 4-5 hours of the day either in my car, or waiting for people to turn up.

Still, one positive I’ve noticed is that my plants seem to love this Belmont micro-climate. This is a very good thing.

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Capsicums!!

Wine time.

 

02.24.16
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Thoughts: Yet Another Life Changing Event

Over the last year or so there have been a number of events in my life requiring my attention and dedication to get through. Nothing earth-shattering but generally a bit distracting and frustrating.

Over the last month or so, I’ve been reflecting on my existence and considering the things that impact me (both positively and negatively) that I can control and the things that impact me that I can’t control. I’ve also considered the things I don’t actually care about, and the things I shouldn’t care about.

It has been quite the cathartic process.

All that being said, as a result of all this navel-gazing, this coming weekend is my last in my extraordinarily expensive apartment in Grey Lynn. I have mixed feelings as I love apartment dwelling and this one has been fun,  but it’s time. I’m moving in with the significant other. This is a fairly big thing for me as I’ve been stoically independent for the last seven years. I love my space and solitude as much as I love company. *deep breath*

My main concern was the impact this would have on my kids. They’re still being brought up in the ways of the Lord by their mother and their school and their church, and they’ll know that Dad doesn’t subscribe to a lot of the imposed morality of their environment. I am very conscious of making sure they never feel like visitors or that they’ve been replaced.

Of secondary concern is that I’m moving to Belmont. BELMONT. I’m going to have to become a Shore Boy. There are some aspects of the Shore that I like: Tunnels in hills for example. Beaches are OK I guess. I like Takapuna. I am dreading being a regular on Lake Rd – that abomination of tarmac that connects Esmonde Rd to Devonport. But I’ll get used to it I suppose.

I will miss my locals – Freida Margolis, The Gypsy Tea Room et al – but I will make my presence felt on Hurstmere Rd and surrounds I’m sure.

I am looking forward to making use of the Devonport Ferry on a semi-regular basis. A definite bonus.

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

02.22.16
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Thoughts: Protest

I’m a fan of protest. I think we live in a fairly benign country and are a race of people that are pretty relaxed.

So when we get agitated, things get real.

However. We don’t protest well these days. Back when the Springboks were here in the apartheid era (1981? Was it?) I remember my normally passive family members putting passivity aside and protesting. It was a strange and scary thing.

The anti-TPP protest in Auckland? Silly. Many didn’t know what they were protesting about or for. Some did, for sure, but I suspect they were in the minority. Blocking motorways and disrupting the lives of fellow citizens, to my mind, is somewhat counterproductive.

Throwing a dildo at Joyce? Achieved nothing. She shouldn’t have gotten away with it in my opinion. Kind of a dick move.

But what has inspired this post is the dumping of muck on Gerry Brownlee at a remembrance service. I’m outraged at this. It’s disgraceful. Friends of mine died on that day. It’s disrespectful and again, counterproductive.

I get that people are aggrieved with the current government. I get that the rebuild isn’t going as quickly as some think it should be (my expectation is that it’s a 20 year project actually). If you’re going to protest, and you have an absolute right to, make sure you think through the outcomes properly. You want the masses on your side. Dumb shit like this just pisses people off.

01.06.16
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Thoughts: Boxes

  
I have boxes in my garage. 

Their contents are miscellaneous and for the most part they haven’t been opened for years. I’ve kept them in storage, you see. Storage I paid for month by month. I didn’t really need to be doing this as I had space in my garage. So I moved them home. I have moved them to where I am reminded of their existence.

Now they sit there. Unopened. Silently judging me with memories that I don’t know that I have.

I have some shelving in my garage so have been able to move the boxes around, compartmentalise them. But they’re still there, unopened. Tidy. In their place. and unopened. Unresolved. And taking up space.

I’m going to open them in 2016.

I’m going to sort through their contents.

I’m going to throw a lot of things out. Give some things away. Let them go.

It’s time.