Thoughts: Family and Stuff

Tomorrow my Aunt is farewelled. Cancer took her before the Alzheimer’s made life excruciating for all those close.

I’m not attending her funeral in Palmerston North. I couldn’t afford to.

My family is gathering and I’m not a part of it.

Yes, I could have found a way to get there. Fares were offered.

But I feel detached from Family at the moment.

They collectively weren’t there for me when I admitted vulnerability. They haven’t asked me how I’m doing. In six months.

They originally offered thoughts, prayers and encouraging bible verses. Six months ago. Bible verses. THAT is helpful. Dicks.

I’m a bit cynical.

My Aunt died on Sunday. No one told me. I found out by being observant on Facebook.

I feel isolated. And I feel the need to have to look after my own interests because really you can’t rely on anyone, can you?

A dark post for me, yes. But it’s how I feel. I’m just a bit fucked off with everything right now.

Thoughts: an interesting musical exercise

Over on another network, a week ago I was challenged to post a song each day for seven days.

There were no specifics attached to the songs, for example: songs that inspire, songs that challenge, songs that move etc.

Given I tend to overthink most things, I kind of focused on bands or artists that influenced, as well as new discoveries.

Here’s the list:

Day 1: Toto – Rosanna – where musicianship began for me! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmOLtTGvsbM

Day 2: Aerosmith – Hangman Jury. http://youtu.be/xA4Ze__jAwk

Day 3 (early as I’m on the road in the morning): Extreme – King of the Ladies. An influential hair-band who still rocks awesomely today. With Nuno. Who doesn’t appear to age, and shreds so great. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvp-KBXPLo0

Day 4: Mark King is the bassist who influenced me the most in my formative years. Him, and Level 42. Here he is doing a German TV show performance of Mr Pink. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EyrkiYpslI

Day 5: Thought I’d change it up. Most people think I have the emotional depth of a puddle on a Summer’s Day, A Fine Frenzy was introduced to me a few years back and this song managed to get through my defences and get under my skin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDEEzS7OV2k

Day 6: As a long-time Duran Duran fan I had to post one of theirs. I chose Girl Panic from ‘All You Need Is Now’. Old School Duran sensibilities and DNA makes for a very strong album. This clip is super clever too! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSMbOuNBV0s

Day 6b: because it’s important to include NIN. I discovered Nine Inch Nails about five years ago. I’ve seen Trent live twice. Absolutely love the angst and performance. There are other tracks I’d like to post but this will suffice : http://youtu.be/xwhBRJStz7w

Day 7: I was introduced to Jeff Buckley about 4 years ago. Couldn’t believe I’d not come across him before. It was then I started actively filling in the gaps of my musical awareness. 7 days simply isn’t enough time to highlight artists I love. http://youtu.be/u-qJDaS8Zlo

Through this its occurred to me that it’s hardly representative of my musical tastes. Seven days simply isn’t enough time.

It would be fun to do ‘seven days, seven artists that you think no one knows about’, or ‘seven artists I’ve discovered in recent years’.

It’s been good though. Having a wee think about artists and which tune to reference.

^sd

Thoughts: Auckland is 175!

Sitting here in the sun, I find myself in a somewhat reflective mood.

I arrived in Auckland in 1990, having moved from the untamed flat wilds of Palmerston North. I’d visited the Big Smoke on many occasions, but never for a decent length of time, certainly not long enough to get a feel for the place.

I’d only ever had good experiences on those visits, meeting interesting and hospitable Aucklanders, and that probably set me up with the intention to stay.

Over the last 25 years I’ve gotten to know this place. It’s actually pretty cool.

However, I can’t help but feel that it’s still a little young, a little immature.

This city is being gradually shaped by those who dwell here, as well as by those who don’t.

There is an insecurity here. Like Auckland is still trying desperately to make its mark and be noticed. We are a bit envious of our older siblings, Sydney and Melbourne. They just do things a bit better. Especially fireworks.

I don’t think we have been served well in recent years by our Leadership. I’m not sure how well our Council-run Organisations are doing with respect to infrastructure and catering for future growth.

Still, it’s a city that is on the cusp of greatness. The next 25 years will be exciting (hopefully). At the moment it’s an angsty pimply teen, but the potential is there.

It is up to us to enable that potential to be realised and unleashed.

Happy Birthday Auckland!

Thoughts: Camping Pt 3

There are some things I am trying to encourage with my kids in their camping experience.

They have a fairly safe existence with their mother, and yes, I do keep them pretty close when they’re with me in our normal routine, but when camping I give them a much longer leash.

After last year, my son told me that he loved how I let them pretty much do whatever they wanted, on their own terms, in their own time.

Today, Miss 8 said that one of her goals this week was to make a new friend. This is challenging for her as she is a bit shy. She had a definite strategy though. A cluster of local Taupo girls arrived to have a birthday party and make use of the pool. My daughters idea was that she’d do underwater handstands until she was noticed. The handstands went swimmingly well, but the other girls were also a bit shy. One of the other girls, however, started doing handstands also. After 15 minutes and seeing a look of frustration arrive on Miss 8’s face at the lack of contact, I did ’embarrassing Dad’ and introduced the two. From that point on, sorted. A new friend, hours in the pool, and a play date for tomorrow (the Mum will swing by and collect my daughter for a Taupo day). I’m a bit proud.

Master 12 has also found boys to play with. Of course the dance of introduction is quite different. Bonding to the lyrics of ‘Spiderpig’ is somewhat less sophisticated.

As we needed to head out for supplies, I decided to risk it all and play minigolf. There is history here: Master 12 (who despite being smart, seems to have a complete lack of understanding of rudimentary physics) has a few issues with dealing with performing poorly on the course. He was prepared, warned and made ready, so in theory any chance of a tantrum was lessened. He really was on his best behaviour. Then I did something that, in hindsight, I should not have done. He’d placed his green golf ball, then went to see where the course went. I of course picked up his ball and hid it in my pocket. For fun of course. The outcome wasn’t what I expected. When he couldn’t find his ball, he saw a moving green golf ball at the hole we’d just completed, and grabbed it. Yes, it was someone else’s ball and the resulting embarrassment caused was a little too much to bear.

You’d think I’d know not to do such things, but… ya know??

I managed to talk him down from the precipice of despair, and we got through the game. It ended up being fun! Although I had to bribe them with Bakers Delight goodies.

^sd

Thoughts: Camping Pt 2

I’m starting to get into the pace of camping life.

I am experiencing a gradual decline into feral. I spent all day yesterday in my togs. I never spend all day in togs.

I’m getting a lot of reading done, which is excellent, but I seem to be spending the majority of my time looking for places to stay cool. I found the camp kitchen yesterday. Near the fridges.

This site has many trees but the sun seems to ignore them. The 93% humidity is brutal. I can’t complain though. We are all happy.

My kids are having fun. There’s enough here to keep them interested and when they’re done running around, they’re reading. They’ve also become more helpful around the routine. Cooking etc. Forget tidying though. Their end of the tent is making my OCD hurt. They’re not particularly interested in exploring Taupo and Surrounds. This doesn’t bother me as it means they’re satisfied with what they’re doing.

Adult interaction isn’t really happening. You have those passing conversations with other parents but they’re usually about kids, about entertaining kids, about work. It’s a life stage I think.

I also may be in trouble with the mother of my kids. Sun block isn’t blocking quite enough and the healthy rouge (glows at night) on their faces may elicit complaints on their return. Oops.

^sd

Thoughts: Camping Pt 1

It’s underway!

A few years back I decided to try my kids with camping. You know, the whole “drive someplace, set up a tent, swim, eat, sleep” thing.

Their mother is more a “motel, hotel” kind of person, but I can happily report that they have taken to it and in fact, look forward to it every year.

This year I left booking a destination a bit late, but have ended up in Taupo. This is not a bad secondary choice.

The Top 10 is quite nice. The facilities are clean and well-equipped. There is a pool which dominates our schedule, and by next year the current worksite will be transformed into a pool of beauty and magnificence.

Master 12 has noted, with some disappointment, that most of the other kids he’s spotted are girls. He’s not yet at the point where this is actually a very fine thing indeed.

We are definitely getting more efficient at setting up the campsite, although there were tears of frustration when the camp stretchers were unfurled. Terrible things really.

One thing I’ve enjoyed is seeing my daughter take an interest in cooking (well, BBQing things) and being helpful.

They’re not inclined to go play tourist, which will make for a much cheaper week. We visited Huka Falls which interested them for a minute before they decided an icecream was a much better thing to obsess about.

Anyway, I’m starting to relax into the week. It’s a valuable time, not taken lightly.

^sd

Thoughts: 2014 huh?

I was just looking back at my thoughts and expectations for 2014, written after what was a challenging 2013.

I didn’t enjoy 2013 for the most part.

I had optimism that 2014 couldn’t possibly be worse than 2013. But it was.

Some things were definitely better, I can state. But a lot of things conspired to create stress and drama that was not helpful.

Still, I weathered it all.

And have managed to get to this day with a smile intact. A little older. A little wiser. I still have a deep love and respect for Toto and other 80’s bands.

There were some definite highlights!

These generally revolve around things my kids do. I love seeing them grow and learn new skills and display talent in areas I never did. It’s also great as a Dad being able to help them understand aspects of their personalities that they got from me (and are just weird).

My culinary love is growing and I’m getting better in the kitchen. Practice makes perfect, but it does add to ones body weight.

And of course some lowlights.

I do feel I haven’t spent enough time this year with ‘my’ people. Those who have been a part of my journey and who are still present, but as we all have separate lives and increasingly busy schedules, it gets harder to catch up. I also haven’t been able to meet and mingle and network as much as I need to do in order to maintain a healthy balance. Juggling finances this year has taken a toll, but I’ve survived.

Having to move home earlier this year really did impact me. It’s taken months to get my head into the new space and start to feel that it’s home. Moving furniture around, and experimenting with artworks has helped. Being next door to multiple supermarkets and food places makes it a potentially good environment for me. But it’s a 700m walk to the nearest bar… 700 meters!!! I suppose I’ll get over that!

So… What next then?

I have an unbridled optimism for 2015.

I’ll write about that shortly.

Thoughts: Holiday Monopoly

I was invited to partake in a game of Monopoly, where one of the protagonists was a 10 yr old.

Now, there is a fairly good reason I haven’t played Monopoly with children for something like 20 years. I’m a parent who doesn’t let kids win.

Some other parents disapprove, but I’m firmly of the belief that my kids will beat me at all things effortlessly in only a few years time, so I am holding on to dominance as long as I can.

And hopefully teaching them how to lose graciously in the process.

Anyway…

This Monopoly game started well. The 10 year old was off to a good start, retaining wads of cash. The cockiness was apparent, with $5 donations being offered to compensate for the suffering of the adults.

As the game progressed, the Mother started to suffer fiscally. The 10 year old displayed loud faux sympathy (the mother was well regarded after all). Note: there is a chance that the sympathy was genuine. I’m not yet sure.

I had to keep quiet and careful as I am highly competitive and have a tendency to go for total domination. This strategy didn’t really serve me well.

The mother was cleaned out.

The 10 year old was cleaned out.

It ended in tears and anguish.

The glorious victory was muted. Kind of like receiving coal from Santa.

It’ll be another decade before I play again. So not worth it.

Incoming holiday time

I’m nearly at the point of being able to think about what to do over the holidays.

I simply don’t have that much headspace to plan as it has been a fairly challenging year, that I will be very glad to see the back of.

I’ll be spending decent time with my kids. Starting with this weekend, and then on and off during the break. This year I’ll see them on Christmas Day more than last year, and I’m pretty happy about that.

Minimal family time is also a bonus. I don’t like the expectation of spending time with family that for 11 months of the year, ignore me or annoy me. I don’t like pasting a fake smile on my face and pretending that everything is awesome. Again, I don’t have the energy.

I have a week booked in January for camping with my kids. This has become a ritual, and something we all look forward to and enjoy.

My 12 year old son has indicated that I need to spend quality personal time playing Destiny. So, as we are both gamers and gamers talk about levels and progress, we can talk about levels and progress. So I will. (I also need to spend time roaming Diablo III just for the therapeutic benefits of a little bit of hack and slash).

I have my traditional Lord Of The Rings (extended) marathon day to prepare for.

Then there is Quentin Tarantino day, X-files day, Marvel day…

Sleep will also feature.

I can’t wait.